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The Covid Tapes

by Cosmo

/
1.
Wetherspoons is the nation’s boozer We pull the pints there and bring you all your nosh But when Covid-19 came to town The boss got stingy with his dosh He flat out refused to pay us He said “Hey! Get a job in Tesco!” He needed some gentle persuasion So this is how we told him where to go We’re gonna spray paint your boozers till we get paid Tim-Tim-Timmy-Timmy Martin! (X 2) Sorry Tim, scared about your nest egg? Your money stashed for a rainy day? Or in your proletarian proof bunker Did you think you’d never see the day When you had to open your wallet And fork out for the ones who make your pile? In the time of a global pandemic You’re thinking of yourself the whole while We’re gonna spray paint your boozers till we get paid Tim-Tim-Timmy-Timmy Martin! (X 2) So listen, all you business of Britain You money people all around the world This ain’t 2008, mate You’ll get back the nonsense that you hurled We’re not paying for you crisis You won’t find us carrying the can Remember your pal Tim Martin He couldn’t follow through his plan. We’re gonna spray paint your boozers till we get paid Tim-Tim-Timmy-Timmy Martin! We’re gonna spray paint your boozers
2.
You’ve got it now, you’ve got it now, you’ve got it now… You peddlers of nonsense and mischief and garbage You’re crying to the experts now Once you reckoned all you needed was to FEEL right Evidence could just take a bow But hey what happened? Reality came And kicked you right there in your behind How’s that herd immunity going Somewhat troubling, don’t you find? You’ve got it now, you’ve got it now, you’ve got it now… The hospitals are filling up with bodies It’s just a little flu, you said Just like austerity will sort out our problems We’re the ones counting our dead But hang on a minute, what’s going on? Seems you can’t ESCAPE from your crime Check out NOW who’s self isolating Your money can’t hide you this time You’ve got it now, you’ve got it now, you’ve got it now… Welcome to our world, oh beloved leaders How’s it feel-to be on our rung? If you think once again you can paper over cracks You’re problems have only just begun Now you need our help and you’re chucking us money Too little too late, I’m afraid Yes-we’re mopping up/your/mess once again ‘Cos we’re in it together Solidarity forever But now you understand, my friends…. You’ve got it now, you’ve got it now, you’ve got it now You’ve got it now, you’ve got it now, you’ve got it now…
3.
Don’t grass on your neighbours We do ourselves no favours Living on lockdown’s no fun. But you’re not the only one Swanking in castles is alright for some But right here on lockdown’s no fun You saw your neighbour today You phoned the Covid hotline to say It was the third time he’d been out that day You saw your neighbour today. Now you’ve not talked to him before Not so much as knocked on his door But you decided to give him what for Though you’ve not talked to him before Turned out his wife had just died And was all messed up inside He needed space and you’d grassed like a snide Turned out his wife has just died You thought you’d give grassing a punt And now you just look like a You better think twice before pulling that stunt You thought you’d give grassing a punt Don’t grass on your neighbours We do ourselves no favours
4.
Covid 19 has given us a right scare And getting hold of facts can be a nightmare But my mate’s online in his pyjamas Reading bullshit to add to the drama Done his research? He says he’s bossed it But I reckon he’s proper fucking lost it He said he saw Bill Gates on a 5G mast Syringe full of vaccine pointing at my arse! Hey mate what you on about?!! Better watch your head there’s a conspiraloon about.. Last night we all had a Zoom party He was on about the Illuminati We got so bored we wanted to shoot him Till someone realised there’s a button that can mute him I sometimes worry he’ll get so confused Like Hitler he’ll start on about the Jews Yes folks, that’s a massive clue About what conspiracies are doing to you! Last night I dreamed all the flat earthers Got together with he truthers and birthers Antivax replaced actual facts David Icke was king - that’s when I cracked Before I knew it up became down 2 and 2 was five a smile became a frown The world’s gone to shit we’re hell bound of course But why d’you wanna put the cart before the horse???
5.
Key Worker 03:30
6.
I remember stories of refugees Trapped in the Mediterranean Sea Bringing their problems, death and disease Someone on Facebook said so Politicians said let’s slam the door Those were the ones I voted for We don’t want their sort on our shores Someone on Facebook said so Too many funerals x 3 Nothing to do with me That was a few years down the line Welcome to this promised land of mine Whingers whinge but it’s all just fine Someone on Facebook said so They’re dying at the food bank right near here But I’m loving those remainer tears At least we’re not governed by commies and queers Someone on Facebook said so Too many funerals x 3 Nothing to do with me That was before_the_pandemic came Can’t get tested, who’s to blame? Nurses unprotected oh the shame Someone on Facebook said so How I’d love to vote_with_my feet But even without_lock-down no retreat And a_man with a scythe stalking the street Someone on Facebook said so Too many funerals x 3 Oh mercy, mercy me Cos now he’s come for me
7.
Well the sunshine keeps on blazing through my windows But the streets are all deserted in this town And no-one’s down the rec with all their barbies And no-one has a clue what’s going down All you kids that keyed my car outside the front door All you junkies on the street till god knows when All you girls there on the junction after nightfall I just want to see you again Well in the shopping malls that throng the city centre They-used-to walk around and stare all hypnotised But these days it’s more like sci-fi dystopia Covid shut their avaricious eyes Brand obsessives, please, all is forgiven Come back again and shop past ten pm Consumerism may kill off the planet But I just want to see you again. All you ket heads and you phet heads and you crusties All my festie fam, c’mon let’s go See you down the front with all your flagons We’ll down them at the Tarantism show People say let’s just go back to normal But what the hell does that mean, then, my friends? Let’s build ourselves a whole different tomorrow Oh I just want to see you again.

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Anarcho-folk-punk lockdown with Cosmo and his singing guitar. Includes bonus tracks!

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released May 16, 2020

Cosmo did everything but claims no responsibility....

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Cosmo Cardiff, UK

".. a folksinger for our times with a veritable hive of bees in his bonnet..." Rob Adams, Edinburgh Fringe Review.

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